I just pynch a tree in the face
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
