i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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