we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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