I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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