Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
