I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
