I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
