I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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