I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
