I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
