Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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