just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
