the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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