the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
this just has baby written all over it
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
