Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
last night I used snow as a chaser
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
