I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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