He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
His hands were made for my vagina.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
