I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
