How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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