There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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