i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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