you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
