Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
