i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
