Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
