you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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