I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
