8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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