Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
