his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
In other news, I just burned my penis
don't judge my taste in strippers
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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