I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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