can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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