I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
