It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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