You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
