was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
