She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I didn't notice because vodka
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
