I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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