i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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