What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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