i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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