Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You took a bar mat shot.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
