Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
