Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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