Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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