I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
