I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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