wrigley field is MILF paradise
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
