oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
They took my balls.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
