Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
