I can't watch pbs sober anymore
4 words: hood of his car
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
two words...techno handjob
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
